Forgiveness
God has been working in me for some serious, life-giving changes. He is a miracle-working God. I’m happy to share this part of my journey with you.
FORGIVENESS
THE BEST PRESENT TO GIVE YOURSELF
(and your children and grandchildren)
Last week Hugh wrote about “Rage” and in June Monica wrote on the importance of “Unity”. Both these emotions, choices show up in everyday life.
There are many stories in the Bible about the importance of forgiveness of others, and the consequences of unforgiveness too. Remember Jacob and Esau, twins who argued, one tricking the other out of his birthright and blessing? What about Joseph and his brothers – a story covering Gen 37-50 - brothers plotting to murder their younger brother, but selling him into slavery instead, and then lying to their father about the reason Joseph didn’t come home.
There is a pattern in my family, over 5 generations, of sibling arguments, divisions and rivalry which looks much like a generational curse. As I pondered this, I began to understand that forgiveness has to be taught, just as unforgiveness is taught. My parents required that if I’d hurt a sibling or friend, that I had to say “I’m sorry.” The other had to respond, “That’s OK.” When these situations occurred, my actual thoughts were more like “I’m sorry that I got caught.” or “That’s OK, I’ll get you back later.” No real forgiveness was present, just the motions of it.
Unforgiveness can appear as any of these responses or emotions: resentment, slander, revenge, lack of compassion for another, bitterness, hurt, rage, gossip, breaking relationships. When I am unforgiving, I tend to be angry, think ill of that one, certainly not wishing them well. I spend time and energy justifying my upset to myself, and, likely, to anyone who will listen.
I was surprised to learn there are medical studies on the effects of forgiveness and unforgiveness on our health and our bodies! One from Johns Hopkins Hospital in the US found that “ Chronic anger (unforgiveness) puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. These changes then increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”
So medical science supports forgiveness. But what does the Bible say?
But you, God, see the troubles of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand
Ps 10:14
For the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you
Mat 7:2
Jesus told a parable of the servant who was forgiven a huge debt, but then refused to forgive the smaller debt of a fellow servant. The first servant ends by being thrown in prison forever.
This is how my Father in heaven will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
Matthew 18:35
Forgiveness is a heart issue, one that is difficult or even impossible our human, sinful nature. But with us asking for Holy Spirit to show us what needs to be forgiven, we can be transformed and become more like Jesus. Forgiveness can lead to health improvements. Forgiveness, done verbally with the one we’re upset with, can lead to healed relationships.
(note: Forgiving one who has physically or emotionally hurt you does not mean you have to continue being with them.)
BUT more than gaining our improved health and relationships with others, we can change what our children learn and do!!
Parents, there are lots of internet resources for teaching your children well how to be truly forgiving. The key ingredient is children seeing you doing it: even praying out loud, in the moment, for those who hurt you, anger you or cause you grief.
Children naturally love to copy and imitate their parents. How much joy to see a youngster truly apologize and ask for forgiveness from a friend or sibling over an upset or insult. For any relationship to grow and prosper, it has to be held as more important than who was right or wrong.
Seeing unforgiveness as the sin it truly is, becomes the impetus to asking Holy Spirit to show us what needs forgiveness in our lives, and taking the steps to move into patience, loving-kindness, understanding and joy.
Prayer Points
May you find this joy in your life now and teach it to your children or the young ones around you.
May you be set free to forgive as generously as you have been forgiven.
May everyone bound by unforgiveness hear the Spirit’s call to be set free
Questions to Ponder
What and who, exactly, specifically, do I need to forgive for hurts I’ve carried from my family? From friends? From work/school?
Do I need to ask forgiveness for things I’ve done or said this week? This month? This year?
Song link to “Forgiveness” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI
This link to YouTube is about 5 minutes. There is also a longer 8 minute that gives the story behind the song.
