My First Valentine. My Mother.
As I was reflecting on the fact that this devotion would be published on valentines day I tried to remember who sent me my first Valentine card. I amusingly remembered it was my mum! I was at boarding school from age 8 to 18 and recall that for the first four years she faithfully sent me a card. At the time it was embarrassing. Whose mum sends their son a valentine card?! However, I later realised that it was her opportunity to express her love for me as her son. She knew it was unlikely I would be receiving valentine cards until I was a teenager and so filled the gap!
I therefore sensed God wanted to honour mothers today. Even though it’s not mothers day! However, I believe many of the principles we learn about motherhood can be applied to all relationships. I am also conscious that when I talk about mothers that:
(a) for some, motherhood is an accident, and not always a welcome one;
(b) for some, biological motherhood isn’t possible;
(c) for some, mothers weren’t all that nice;
(d) for some, motherhood under the very best of circumstances is still less than a bed of roses and a primrose path.
If I can take some liberties with poet Wilhelm Busch’s words, I’d have to say: (To become a (mother) is not so difficult; on the other hand, be-ing a (mother) is very much so!)
So, with all those qualifications, why bother focusing on mothers at all? I’ll tell you why —— because for all its stumbling blocks, pitfalls and broken dreams, for all the soiled diapers, soiled wallpaper and spoiled plans, we’re talking about a beautiful ideal, a natural part of God’s creative plan to bring love and caring to light. Motherhood is a constant demand for the gift of love.
Mothers. We all have or had one. Including Jesus! My own dear mother has had an interesting life. She was born in England in 1944 and initially grew up in Malawi and Zimbabwe. Her dream was to marry a farmer and raise her family in one home. However, God had other plans. She went on to live in six further countries, battle with manic depression and watch her sons go to boarding school. Through many challenges she has never lost her faith and impacted hundreds, if not thousands of individuals across Africa and the UK. I have since revisited some of these places including Botswana, Zanzibar and Zimbabwe. Those who knew her at the time often remark to me her incredible love and warmth for other people no matter who they were, where they came from or what their faith was.
For me my own mother lived and continues to live out 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
As I reflect on each of the attributes of love including, patience, kindness, protection, hope etc I could share hundreds of examples where my mother demonstrated these. Even when it was challenging and trust me, I was a very challenging child in my early years. One event that my own wider family won’t let me forget is when I refused to go to bed one night.
My father was overseas for work and my two brothers were at boarding school. Not having dad around resulted in me pushing the boundaries and often exasperating my mother. This particular night I stubbornly refused to go to bed and no matter what my mum threatened to do would make me budge. She therefore called the local police and asked if they could help. Unusually they agreed to drop by and sat me down. After a very stern warning about having to listen to my mum and to go to bed I immediately went to my bedroom and went to sleep.
I often reflect on just how rebellious I must have been for my mum to turn to the police to manage me! However, I struggle to recall a time when she would shout at me, beat me or turn her back on me. She kept her love on for me no matter what had happened. In other words she kept her relationship with me above the issue, no matter how serious it was.
I strongly believe the best gift a mother can give is a heart to heart connection with their children. This principle is true for all our relationships whether it’s with brothers, sisters, fathers, friends or co-workers. It’s a 360 degree connection.
How do we manage to do that? We can certainly ensure we apply the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 by being patient, kind etc. However, I think the key part of the verse is, ‘keeping no record of wrongs.’ In other words the heart of it is forgiveness. You have often heard me say that to not forgive is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The world is desperate for forgiveness. To illustrate my point let me share a famous Spanish story of a father this time.
This man had become estranged from his son. As a result the son ran away, and once the father found out he had run away he set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an advert in a Madrid newspaper. The advert read:
‘Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father.’
That Saturday not one Paco turned up, but 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers. For me this story demonstrates the power of forgiveness and how we are built for connection. There is something very powerful when you elevate the relationship above the issue.
However, It doesn’t mean you don’t hash out the issue - it means you don’t let go of each other whilst you work through the issue. It’s being willing to protect those relationships even when we disagree. You see when you disagree with someone you will begin to wonder if you can trust each other anymore. You must not empower the issue to the level that it negatively affects your relationship.You may go round and round and round particular issues, you may do it ugly, you may do it well. But you continue to work out life together through confrontation, through conflict, through disappointment, through success, through victory, through agreement, through disagreement.
Your mantra must be, I refuse to reduce my relationship with my son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, friend, because there is an issue in our relationship. Above all you must persevere and not lose hope.
You see if you don’t create a plan from the beginning to build something that lasts, then you won’t have something that lasts at all. You must invest in the relationship and fight for the connection. As a mother Beth often asks herself if she had quality time with Reuben and Savannah today. When she hasn’t, or when that connection is damaged, it has a profound impact on her
Mothers (and fathers) I also encourage you to go for 1-1 dates with your children! When’s the last time you had a date with your son, daughter, mother etc? Don’t wait for the other person to initiate. Sons and daughters can take their parents, grandparents etc out for a date. Take the initiative!
To finish with I want to bring the devotions back around to mothers. Let’s make sure we honour them not on their performance, but because they are daughters of God. That said here are some interesting facts about mothers.
Mothers: 2 billion in the World (82.5 million in the U.S.)
Kids: Modern moms average 2 kids (1950s: 3.5 kids; 1700s: 7-10 kids)
4.3 babies are born each second (2580 babies have been born whilst you read this devotion)
Diaper Changes: 7,300 by baby's 2nd birthday
Diaper Changing Speed: Moms take 2 minutes, 5 seconds (adds up to 3 40-hour work weeks each year!) , vs. 1 minute, 36 seconds for dads
Giving Attention: Preschooler requires mom's attention once every 4 minutes or 210 times a day
Laundry: 88% is done by moms, totaling 330 loads of laundry & 5,300 articles of clothing each year
Most Kids: Mrs. Vassilyev of Russia gave birth to 69 children between 1725 and 1765
Oldest Mom: Rosanna Dalla Corte gave birth to a baby boy when she was 63 years old in Italy in 1994
Give birth Heaviest Newborn: Signora Carmelina Fedele gave birth to a 22 lb 8 oz boy in Italy in 1955
Let’s honour our mothers!
Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12:)
