Repentance and Forgiveness
It is vital that we understand forgiveness. After salvation, it is probably the most important teaching for us as we live life as Christians. if we don’t understand God’s forgiveness of us, we are not able to be free in the assurance of God’s love & acceptance, and if we don’t forgive others, we will be blocked off from God’s blessing, peace and healing.
Forgiveness Definition:
The primary Greek term is ‘aphemi’: to cut of or to release.
So as we forgive someone we release them from the debt they owe us. But in fact as we shall see, the one who is most released by this act is ourself!
1. Giving and receiving forgiveness
Do I really have to?
The bible doesn’t us any latitude when it comes to the issue of forgiveness.
‘For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.’
(Matt 6:14-15)
If we don’t forgive, bitterness can take root in our hearts and progress:
(i) Resentment (recording of wrongs) ‘Love keeps no record of wrongs’ 1 Cor 13:5
(ii) Retaliation - get evenIn her memoir of a truly dysfunctional family, The Liar’s Club, Mary Karr tells of a Texas uncle who remained married to his wife but did not speak to her for forty years after a fight over how much money she spent on sugar. One day he took out lumber saw and sawed their house exactly in half. He nailed up planks to cover the raw sides and moved one of the halves behind a copse of scruffy pine trees on the same acre of ground. There the two, husband and wife, lived out the rest of their days in separate half houses.
(iii) Anger - an emotion, not wrong to be angry but:‘In your anger do not sin’ Eph 4:26
(iv) Hatred. ‘Do not let the sun go down on your anger.’ (Eph 4:26) If we let it fester, hatred can then lead to....
(v) Violence
Its ok if they’re just angry with me, yeah?
‘Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.’ (Matt 5:23-24)
The point here is that God asks us not only to forgive, but to be willing to take the initiative for reconciliation.
Forgiveness is to come from both directions. If we’ve got something against someone but also if we think they’ve got something against us.
How often? Repeatedly forgiving:
‘Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven time?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
(Matt 18 21-22)
Often the way it works is that we forgive and then take back the forgiveness a few minutes later. Or we forgive them and then we see them again and need to forgive them once again because seeing them brings everything back up to the surface again.
To say I forgive you is not enough. It needs to be repeated whenever we feel the sense of grievance rising up in us afresh. It is primarily a matter of the will.
2.Obstacles to forgiveness.
He needs to learn a lesson
I don’t want to encourage irresponsible behaviour
I’ll let her stew for a while; it will do her good
They need to learn actions have consequences
How I can I forgive if he’s not sorry
i) Should we wait until we feel like forgiving?
Ans: it may never happen. You have to make a decision to forgive. The emotions will follow and it may require you to keep forgiving until the emotions catch up.
ii) wrong to let the person off the hook
One possible obstacle can be feeling like the other person is getting away with it. It can feel wrong, that’s why so often we can’t let go of a previous hurt. We want other people to know and to realise how badly this person has behaved. This can sharply contrast with our view of justice.
There’s a fable told of an India woodcutter who is in the jungle hacking back some undergrowth to get at a tree. When all of a sudden a viper rears up, bites him and slithers back into the bushes. In pain and incensed at the snake biting him he starts hacking away at the bushes. His friends try to pull him away and say, we need to get you to hospital where they’ve got the anti-venom. But the man shrugs them off and says “Let me find that snake, I’m going to kill it.” So on and on he goes hacking away and all the time his anger and exertions just pump the venom through his bloodstream. The woodcutter never does find the snake, he dies in the forest.
Of course the question is what killed him?
The snake or his need for revenge? If we’re not careful we can pump the venom of unforgiveness through our bloodstream.
And we will pay the price as a result.
‘Unforgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die!’ (Anonymous)
However the bible has a different perspective. Nothing goes unseen by God. Psalms.
From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind (Ps 33:13)
God judges everyone “he judges thoughts and actions”
‘Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. (1 Peter 1:17)
Judgement is best left to God: ‘It is mine to avenge says the Lord.’
‘Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mind to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)]
iii) it’s too big
May take time but we still need to forgive. It will affect you not them if you don’t.
You start off holding a grudge and before too long the grudge holds you. As the old adage says, people reap what they sow.
iv) Conditional forgiveness
When they come to me and apologise then I’ll forgive them.
v) Shame of the sin can cause unforgiveness
Ashamed of talking about what happened. Satan will try and keep it in the dark.]
3. Getting over obstacles to forgiveness
i) look at the scriptures on this - motivates us.
If we do not forgive how can God forgive us?
Read Matt :14+15
Is forgiving others truly asking you to do more than Jesus has done for you?
ii) the role of the Holy Spirit in forgiveness
iii) Remember ‘hurt people hurt people’ if you want to avoid hurting other people then make sure you forgive from the heart.
iv) keep short accounts, Larry Lea, in his teaching on “The Lord’s Prayer” said that he would begin the day by setting his will to forgive whatever happened to him that day.
v) the promise that when we confess sins of unforgiveness we are forgiven in turn. 1Jn 1
- praying with Friends, speaking it out. Way of dealing with it. Confession of sin. Support from people.
4. Who do we need to forgive?
Forgiving Yourself
This is an area that we struggle with. Particularly if there are things that we have done that we regret.
Don’t find it overtly stated in scripture; inferred rather than stated.
However, Matt 22:39 2nd commandment, You shall love your neighbour as yourself.
It begs the question ‘how can you lovingly forgive another person if you’re not willing to forgive yourself?’ Peter Jackson ‘If you don’t love yourself, then God help your neighbour!’ Often failure to forgive oneself can be an obstacle to receiving forgiveness from God.
Also Matt 11:25 says “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses”
Surely we are included in the ‘anyone.’ We can have resentment and unforgiveness against ourselves.
Self hatred
Persistent determined refusal to forgive oneself.
May be inner vows or judgements made against oneself.
Common characteristics.
statements repeatedly made “you’re useless” “you wasted all those years” “who do you think you are?” “you’ll never amount to anything” etc etc.
Thinking that there is something fundamentally wrong with us (often when compared to others).
Rejection of encouragement and compliments “they don’t really know me”.
“I don’t know why people care about me”
When someone wants to speak to me I automatically suspect that I have done something wrong.
Struggling to see one’s own gifts and abilities.
Struggling to believe God’s promises over your life.
A belief that God is angry with me. (Should be conviction NOT condemnation)
Forgive others
We need to forgive others so that Satan cannot take advantage of us.
‘If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven - if there was anything to forgive - I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.’ (Cor. 2:10-11)
We are also to be merciful as our heavenly father is merciful.
‘Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.’ (Luke 6:36)
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin.
Decide that you will bear the burden of their offences by not using that information against them in the future
Forgive God
Sometimes we are bitter towards God because we hold false expectations of him.
‘And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward man. (Act 24:16 KJV)
Questions
Naturally speaking, none of us would want to remember past hurts. Is it necessary to do so in order to truly forgive?
Do you agree that the crisis of forgiveness is between you and God rather than between you and the other person? Does it feel like that?
How has this first session changed your view on forgiveness?
Ministry
I’d like you to think about the person who has most hurt you in your life. Lot’s of fun!
Pray: Forgiveness Formula
‘Dear Heavenly Father. I thank You for the riches of Your kindness, forbearance and patience, knowing that your kindness has led me to repentance (Rom 2:4) I confess that I have not extended that same patience and kindness toward others who have offended me, but instead I have harbored bitterness and resentment. I pray that during this time of self-examination You would bring to my mind those people that I have not forgiven in order that I may do so (Matt 18:35). I ask this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.
As names come to mind make a list (of names only). At the end write: ‘Myself.’
“Father, I choose to forgive _________________ for _________________________
(Specifically identified incident, words, action, omission) which made me feel
_________________.”
Scriptures to meditate on
Ps 36:5-10
Ps 37:18-40
Ps 42:8
Ps 138:1-8
1J 4:7-21
Eph 3:14-19
Col 3:12-17
Rom 8:1-19
1 Cor 13
